Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. I went two hours to the next town over for a Christmas party, and he spent days before hand stressing about everything that could go wrong on the highway. Its just a normal American city that happens to have the nations most vast square footage of conference hall space and some of its cheapest business-class hotels. And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. His response is not reasonable except in AAMs answer. He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. But, because of Vegass layout & security, those places are no where near the big hotels/conference centers. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. I wish you the best. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Congratulations! Agree counseling would be a good place to start. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. If this isreally about more than the fear of cheating, it sounds like there arepretty serious anxiety issues in play here. They might be mad that they're not invited . We look out for each other. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. Its really way to easy to armchair diagnose, and its not helpful. Charleston. There are tons of huge conferences that take place there all the time. People at our church would say I cant believe your husband lets you do that. My husband would laugh and laugh. If its cultural issues, OP may still benefit from help separating herself emotionally from the baggage her husband is carrying, and learning scripts to counter-act the stuff he has internalized, that is causing friction. Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). Honestly, I just wasnt used to having someone worry about me. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. This is about control. But no gambling! Well there it is. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? I know many wonderful non-abusive people who would raise a hairy eyeball over this. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? One of mine once told me that his mom felt that I was being very unfair to him and was devastated that she wouldnt get to plan our wedding. Another option is to share infowhen you get there take a picture of where you are stayingshow the agenda, let him know what you are doing, check in at the end of the night. Agree with the advice for counseling. But if not, why would you stay with this. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. Might I suggest Hotwire? We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? Twenty. I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. Im so sorry, Emma. There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. Just because some of the people in that culture are ok with it doesnt mean its magically not controlling behavior because its culture/religion. This is great, Anon Poster. Refusing to go on this trip is highly unlikely to save your marriage. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. This is a really, really big deal. 8 1 11 1. I would have zero concerns about my husband going to Vegas without me, and I know that he would have zero concerns about me going without him. In either case though, go on the trip. And so on. She comes back with cool stories and we have something to talk about besides work and whats for dinner. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Yeah, I read it as they object and they wouldnt let them go.. Really? I went to Vegas last year and didnt do anything Vegas-y, other than see one show. And dirt cheap which I am guessing is why so many business conferences are set at that location. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. He would be excited, even. It IS super pricey though!! (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. Its stupid of me, I know. My mouth just kept falling wider and wider open. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. Youre better equipped than anyone here to judge whether hes capable of moving past his insecurities and choosing not to or if theyre something totally beyond his control, but you should get to the point of understanding that this is his own baggage and the only reasonable things you should feel about them is either sadness that your husband is falling to this sort of insane thinking or frustration that hes letting his insecurities get the better of him, whichever of those you think is more appropriate to your situation. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. You say youre the breadwinner. Whether its legitimate is pretty much beside the point. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. But refusing to participate in the arguments and the anxiety spirals by hanging up and walking out saved my relationship with both my parents in the long-term. For the OP, this is a marriage problem. But he didnt make a peep when we took her to Vegas for our wedding! She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. my husband doesn't want me to go on a business trip to Vegas He can express an opinion at most. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. Last time I was in Vegas (similar situation) I ate at a few off-strip but highly-rated restaurants. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. Everyone thinks youre wrong.. But it could be so many other things as well. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. This is part of your JOB. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. And Hunter Thompson and Oscar Acosta are dead anyway. I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. I call him every day to give him some reassurance that Im fine, and that helps. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. This is a relationship problem, not a work problem. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Honestly, it feels awful. Me: What did you say? The duration of the vacation. Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. I cordially dislike Vegas. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. Huh. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. I have developed similar coping strategies and work very hard not to allow my brains bad wiring to negatively affect those that I love. arent at all limited to Vegas. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. Of course, were all operating with limited info, and (lets be honest) a natural inclination to cme to the defense of an AAM reader/writer.. Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. But they definitely need marriage counseling. Can you tell mewhat todo?Maya. Should I take him into account? The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. When I said but no one else called their boyfriends he then he shifted to well, if you want to have a relationship like THEIRS I think it doesnt take much poking at this topic to find out if your spouse is anxious or controlling. While it has its own series of potential problems, leaving him in a hotel room in Vegas all day while shes in conferences might bore him into realizing the reality of the place. It is not normal or rational. In neither case do I think you should stay home, and I think youre best able to answer the question of his motivations, and how to deal with them long term. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. This was pre cell phone so it meant finding payphones. I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. Sorry, that isnt useful. I question who he was talking to that would say they wouldnt let their spouses go. The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? You are not alone with this. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. I would probably choose being single over him. Ive actually been there and I agree its overplayed and that corporate concerns are more about flights and conference rooms but its weird to act like youve never heard this stereotype. We walk through various casinos and gawk. And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. And the concerns mentioned about What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, sin city, dramatic kidnapping scenarios, etc. Dont engage with his arguments. If his fears really are Vegas-specific, spending time there might help. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. Therapy is really personal, and a bad fit or burnt-out therapist can be worse than no therapist at all. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. He wasnt healthy for me. Because my husband trusts me. Both of us have traveled the world for pleasure and business in the 15 years. Pressuring/guilting him into not going? They have to want to change. Most people just went to Banana Republic and then did some karaoke. At this rate, Im going to be too afraid to leave the house until spring, and thats not acceptable. That option smacks of trying to make OP appease her husband and HIS issues and that is icky. In no way am I saying if he does have anxiety its totally okay for him to be a controlling ass not at all. Hes a great husband who is loving & shows affection in many was. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. My mom too! We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. Were in counseling together though, which is one of the reasons hes gotten better. He made her upset the entire trip last time. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. Main Menu Maybe hes an abusive dick. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. You have a good day and thank you. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. As to the question of WHY businesses have meetings in Las Vegas, its because the hospitality industry there gets it. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. I have no idea. It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. Theres a third option: Insist on marriage counseling with your husband. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. My *70 year-old* cousins house. Its hard enough to be a single lady without constantly watching single ladies being attacked!! I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. If its a crippling anxiety issue, a solo visit to a therapist and their GP for anxiety meds might be more effective. Instead, let yourself feel what youre feeling without judgment orshame. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. I dont think hed bring up that the majority of people he asked thought he was wrong. Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? The things she comes up with are completely fictional, not based in any kind of reality at all. I have been to Las Vegas many times over the years on business, including a few times when I was completely on my own without co-workers to hang with. Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. In my experience, OP, the best thing you can do to convince him counseling is the answer is to focus on YOU when youre talking to him. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage?
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husband doesn t want to go on family vacation