I imagine he just wants to check up. (I mean, obviously, right?) If you have a close friend or someone who knows your history with your ex, spill the beans about the text and ask for advice. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. So before you take your ex back, make sure your ex wants you for you and not just because your ex can benefit from you and rely on you emotionally. They Want A Shoulder To Cry On Theres also a chance that your partner has asked what youd do if your ex resurfaced. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. Maybe you were really close with one of your exs friends or family members, and theyre either seriously ill and on their deathbed, or they died suddenly. But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake. Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. Like a lot of reasons on this list, this might be totally unconscious. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. And also, if youre looking for 1-on-1 help with your ex, check out our coaching page. Its . In my last relationship, I left the guy to be with my now husband. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. Its not helpful, though, to go into any reconnection with too many expectations. Its not one-sided either, they both feel the same way. Wish him good luck. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. My Ex Contacted Me After 5 Years. What Should I Do? I'd like to apologize to him because he didn't deserve that. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. This kind of reciprocity is what makes confession responses a great way to respond, especially if your ex called you during no contact to fix things. Granted, I was also really young comparatively (mid-twenties) and I didn't understand that closure comes from yourself, not another person (I had a really wonderful therapist help me work through this paradigm-shift). Advertisement. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. Substance use doesn't negate the fact that you put me in the hospital multiple times and caused me significant trauma, PTSD. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. You are following it religiously cutting off all contact with your ex. When An Ex Contacts You Years Later, Here's What It's Really Like Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. If that's what he needs from me I'm afraid my reaction might not offer much comfort. Her requirements werent clear and she wanted me to make suggestions about what to do, but her first question was: I dont know if you want us to go back to before, where we are living in separate places?. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. Easy Ways to Respond when He Finally Reaches Out: 11 Steps - WikiHow What To Do When An Ex Contacts You Years Later - Bonobology.com Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Your ex may not want you back, but when it takes your ex years to reach out, you can tell that your ex has been thinking about you for so long that he or she changed some opinions of you and mustered up the courage to contact you. He even tried to call and make the appointment for me. You have to be careful. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. hat would hurt him? We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. When you pass your due date - UF Health, University of Florida Health You can also use the online chat. It's when an ex reaches out just to get something from you and then disappears. I think if you don't feel completely comfortable responding or you're questioning their motives, then don't respond. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. How many do, I don't know. Thats why he or she breaks the rules of no contact that he or she has been following religiously and gives you some of your power back. Definitely not. | I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. She said, Wow, instant reply. My ex owes me money which I want back, nearly $1000 dollars and I have been unable to collect since the pandemic began,I want my money and I am going to reach out for it. Three words: Manage your expectations. Anger is an emotion that people are often uncomfortable with. I suggest you contact your ex or have someone contact him for you. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. It was important and felt good. So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. AM, has an ex ever reached out to you years later? How did the - Reddit I did the same thing with my ex - apologized for my abusive behavior toward him in the past and made it clear I wasn't looking for anything else from him. This is considered breadcrumbing as he was concerned about your health. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. But he and his wife are in local choirs so I reached out because Im interested in that myself. Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. I am still not sure if its a good idea. They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. Im not talking about questions about your exs life, but rather about his or her reasons for reaching out. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. AW, has an ex ever reached out to you years later? How did it - Reddit But theyre really hoping that youll end up in bed together. A little bit of backstory, when I was younger I was in the Air Force and stationed at a Air base in another state. It was interesting seeing him again. 1. Is there any ulterior motive? On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that others have successfully faced similar challenges. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? It's a theme in literature, film, TV shows even in the way products are marketed. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Thank you for being you. And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly. Hi Zan, Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. If they have written, Hey! Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. They're angry with you. After 6 months of balance to initiation of conversation, she stopped getting in touch. It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. We are on opposite sides of the Country now which makes it hard, but not impossible. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. After reading his message im not sure if I should reply. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). A few months after his phone call, my family moved again, this time to the other side of the country. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. So much was tied up inside because of a difficult home life, hadn't learned yet to really let all that flow out. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. It's a long story. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. When you know why he or she reached out, youll be able to decide whether talking to your ex is even a good idea. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. I hope his heart is at peace/ease despite things not going how he may have expected. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Just take your time. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? If your ex wants something from you, your ex will directly or indirectly point it out. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. Why Did My Ex Reach Out To Me If They Broke Up With Me? - letsmend.com After the initial gloomy impact of the breakup is lifted, they perceive that leaving you (or cheating on you) was a huge mistake. We're all human. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. Many exes contact their previous partners years later. The Ending Of X-Men: Days Of Future Past Explained - Looper.com Ex messaged me after a year and a half : r/ExNoContact - Reddit He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. He's not doing well mentally. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. I read it and deleted it without responding. When a toxic and/or abusive ex-partner reaches out or asks to stay friends, they're most likely looking to ensnare you back into the unhealthy dynamic that made the relationship lethal in the first place. There was a lot of love in your dynamic before, and that may have turned to affection and warmth. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life then suddenly, heres your ex. We all think back and wonder why it what if or how different have I become? Thank you for your article very insightful. I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media.
when an ex reaches out after years